Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
