i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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