i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
