if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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