Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
