Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
