I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
