when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
