Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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