All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she told me i tasted like america
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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