im drinking this country out of the recession.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
