I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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