When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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