I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
