I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
