i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
