i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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