the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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