I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
