We need to rekindle our bromance
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
