Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
