I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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