Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I look better un-naked...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
