The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
