You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
