Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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