just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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