My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
