remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
