I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
