You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
