I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
