Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
