Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
