you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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