I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
