my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
