first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
