she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
