A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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