3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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