last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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