i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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