remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
