so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
