You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
