I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
