if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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