those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
