why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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