so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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